Why have I lost the desire to have sex with my Husband?I still get turned on by him,I'm just not interested.

Broken...

I am only 28 and in the beginning the sex was outstanding...I was very sexual with my
Husband and we have not had the best marriage but we were great in bed together.
No cheating just fights and such.I do love him very much but I'm just not interested in sex anymore...with anyone.I do get aroused and I do masturbate when I get aroused but I dont want my Husband touching me.He gets angry because I absolutely HATE oral sex
when I used to enjoy it.If we do anything its always the same way MISSIONARY or DOGGYSTYLE and he is threatening to divorce me because he says I am BROKEN and I am useless to him as a wife and those words dont help me to want him anymore!He says I am very boring and suspects me of cheating!I think I am beginning to HATE him too for the things he is saying about me.I am also overweight...I have gained abotu 60 lbs. since we met and he has gained like 45 or 50 lbs.He keeps telling me to lose weight and I will want sex again.What do you think?

Asked 1 years agoStatus: Open

Tagged as: Too Young To Lose...

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Answers (28) to: "Why have I lost the desire to have sex with my Husband?I sti..."

jennim...

First of all you are not broken! I totally understand how you feel. In the latter stages of my marriage I felt the way you do now. My husband was not empathetic to my feelings at all. I too was over weight and felt very bad about myself. I didn't feel sexy at all and sex seemed like a chore. I felt like I was being violated every time he touched me. Our marriage had a lot of infidelity and in the end we called it quits. But after we split I started to lose weight and feel better about myself. I didn't have that constant turmoil in my life anymore. I met someone else that never makes me feel bad about myself and our sex life couldn't be better. Your not useless or broken, your unhappy with the way he is treating you. Why would you like oral sex? Why would making the him feel good while he makes you feel worthless turn you on? I think you might benefit from a support group or counseling. You need to get some of that self esteem back. You are not broken! Your a gift, remember that.
Answered 1 years ago | Report abuse
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dv4me1

It's so true that mental abuse can be as harmful as physical abuse and sometimes even more destructive.I understand what you are going through and I agree that you both should seek some counceling.I believe that building a marriage is like building a house. You must start with a strong foundation which includes love,respect,communication , and above all friendship. You must be able to like each other if your love will last. Talk to him as you would your best friend without anger,and reservations. Be honest about what you want without demands. If the foundation you build is a strong one , many storms will come your way in life,but like a house that's strong, it will be easier to fix it than to walk away and look for a new one. Always respect yourself and who you are. Stress in a relationship is very damaging and maybe you BOTH are stressed. Cosider what's going on in your lives and see if there are changes you both can make to make it better for both of you. Wishing you the Best.
Answered 1 years ago | Report abuse
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irus

I think that wanting to have sex and having a good relationship and marriage with your husband go hand in hand. I think you need to work on your friendship and love and the sex will quickly follow.
Answered 11 months ago | Report abuse
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neeshaw

Go to Oprah.com. Dr.Laura Berman has a whole section of questions and answers about sex. Have your husband read it, too, if possible. Personally, I wouldn't want to have sex, either, if my husband talked to me like that. Verbal abuse is still abuse and a real turn-off in my book.Good luck.
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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neeshaw

The next time he mentions your weight gain, have him look--really look--in the mirror. Maybe you could start a weight loss program together. Have physical problems ruled out first. Start out taking walks together, try to spend time with each other where sex is absolutely not allowed. SET BOUNDARIES. If he starts with the trash talk, just walk away. No woman deserves that. Ever. Foreplay does NOT begin in the bedroom...having your husband help clean up the house or do dishes, just talk to you respectfully, might reignite your interest.
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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doctor...

A few things to consider,
(1) A strong, healthy marriage will lead to a strong, healthy sexual component. Work on those aspects of your marriage which need some fine-tuning, and you will see your sexual life turn-around. Your predicament sounds more fundamentally emotional than organic. Further, sexual appetite is founded in one's perception of self. If you are not content with how you look, you will emotionally close the door to sexual behavior. Again, I would work on fixing those aspects of your life and marriage that are within your ability to do, and the sex will fall into place. The sex should not be the priority, but rather a part of the bigger picture.
Answered 9 months ago | Report abuse
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MHD121

Do you still love him???Maybe that's the answer!!!Please love him.
Answered 4 months ago | Report abuse
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Justin...

usually those things are much bigger then just sex. a relationship is a hard thing...actually i just had a fight with my wife...so i can relate. but as i see it- most of the really big stuff comes from lack of communication. people sometimes say things while they mean other things. sometime a good idea is having a 3rd partner that can look objectively on your relationship, a marriage consultant perhaps.
i believe he doesn't hate you or anything by commenting on your weight gain- he just concerned. wouldn't you be if he would gain 50 lb.? actually, if he wouldn't have said anything, that would be a bad sign- that he doesn't care about you.
Answered 1 years ago | Report abuse
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ratmando

Have you had your thyroid checked? I went from being "happy girl" to gaining weight and losing all sexual appetite..and that's a big deal for me. Turns out my thyroid was enlarged, and the hormone levels were just bizarre. The docs finally figured out I have Hashimotos, which is fairly common, and treatable with a single pill per day. I went from 120 lbs to 189 lbs in less than a year, so it was fairly evident that it wasn't just me being bored in bed...there were physical reasons. I hope you get to feeling your oats soon- believe me, I know how that gets.
Answered 1 years ago | Report abuse
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mike27

the thing in a relationship that people tend to forget is that that person needs you just as much as you need them if not then you all wouldnt be together,but on the other hand communication can solve alot of things and there is no need for the fighting during it. Thats the part that people dont understand it always well most of the time starts to fighting but if there is no communication then there is no true relationship with or without love. People need people all the same is you can sit down and work it out thats great thats something to admire.
Answered 11 months ago | Report abuse
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prasha...

Hi...I think the best way is WAIT N WATCH...nothing can be done much in this matter....Yes...if u want to make friendship with me plz feel free to come to my email...(prashantmurti@yahoo.com)
bye
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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krando

It is natural for some women to lose the desire to have sex with their husbands. Some lose the urge for a while, and some lose the urge and never get it back, so don't feel that there is something wrong with you. There have been many studies conducted that confirm that many women don't enjoy sex, so you are not alone.

I am in the same place as you in terms of not wanting to have sex with my husband. I love him more than anyone in the world, and he is the most wonderful person--very sexy too--but I just have no libido, nor do I want one.

This month's magazine "SUN", the January 2009 issue has an in depth article called "A mindful marriage: On celibacy, sex, and lasting love". The article examines marriage, celibacy, sex, and love from a variety of view points, and it helped me confirm that there is nothing wrong with me just b/c I don't enjoy having sex at this point in my life. Pick up a copy and take a look at it. It may help you discover the answer you are
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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mrfoot56

HI i dont really know about your life,or other problems-but comming from a man-your husband has every right to feel like he does/and what i have read here you dont care about his feelings-sex is a big part of marriege,that include oral sex,hangups have no place in the bed room,HOW LONG DO YOU WANT YOUR MAN TO WAIT. maybe if you go to a DR. he will feel better about you because he will know that you are trying to fix the problem,have you tryed to loose weight?---just remember there are lots of ways to get sex(with or without money).and there also are a lot of lonely woman out there looking for a man(just go to a social sit on the web-next time you masterbate go find your husband.without sex and understanding from both of you THERE IS NO MARRIGE---I personally would lieve,because at this point i dont think you have a marrage.--mrfoot56
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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CLASYWOM

Girl, let NO MAN put you down! For you, do what you can for yourself. See your doc to rule out any medical problems. Either join a gym or better yet with no cost, walk. Walk 4 or 5 times a week for 45 min. 45 minutes is the time to kick up your cardio to allow your body to burn. Once you see the difference in how you feel and look, you'll be in charge! If you want your man, seek counseling. But from what I've read from you, it's all about him and quite frankly you could never convince me that HE'S perfect! Chin up, girl!
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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irus

Thanks for your support Clasywom. I'm very proud of the support we are providing our friends here. Thank you.
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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GINGER27

Hello we don't know each other but in a way I understand we're coming from a hand the same problem with her husband about the loss of interest in having sex but once we sat down and we discussed my point of view my husband totally understood why I was having those issues, and so you're not broken it is normal if anyone is broken I think that is your husband love and should be more impact than rather or not he has sex he should love you for you and noy what he can get from you that is what should be the number one thang on his mjnd not sex so he needs to look back to the day that the two of you said I DO he needs to remember what he said what he told you as he was putting a ring up on your finger you know I will love honorable Cherish and obey in SICKNES and in health tale death do we part that is what he should be worried about. It is not your fault you fill this way you are not broken you're just a woman's and so don't let him bring you down look him in the eye and tell him that
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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irus

I agree with your Neeshaw. Great answer!
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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church...

fuck him he suppose to be your husband and he saying mean shit like that if he saying mean things like that u don't have to deal with his ass but if u really love him go to some counseling and try to work it out maybe there some they can tell u that u never thought of before
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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meliss...

i wonder the same thing! my husband has these same problems with me and i never can figure it out. i love him but just don't want sex.
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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meliss...

i understand what your talking about my husband wonders the same thing about me. everything u just said was me also. please help me tooooo.
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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mrfoot56

HELLO LADIES,DONT BEAT ME UP--but have any of you,tryed to find HELP,or are you just sitting at home doing nothing about the weight or no interest in sex.WHERE I COME FROM,most weman try to look good for thier husbands. why did your husband have to tell you to lose weight,you should want to look good for your man.I dont no about these people on TV--most of them dont do what they tell other people to do.IN THE REAL WORLD-you go find a good dr,or a program to lose weight,make yourself look good for your man.before you got married,you wanted to look good for your man(I understand you want your husband to accept you,any way you are-BUT-is that fair.If my wife was sick,i would get her help,if she wanted me to.MY QUESTION TO ALL OF YOU IS WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO FIX YOUR PROBLEM?
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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mrfoot56

I think they should take the OBEY part out of marriage-WHAT IS THAT?
Answered 10 months ago | Report abuse
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freeway

have you tossed him out yet?
Answered 9 months ago | Report abuse
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EasyTo...

I think because he is pressuring you and you dont want it is the problem. The pressure upon you is turning you off. Amongst his comments which are making you mad. And then by you masturbating will just frustrate him even more. You should invite him to watch while masturbating.

Chad Levin
EasyToInsureME.com
Quoting and Saving on health insurance has never been easier
Answered 9 months ago | Report abuse
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mazie

I feel the same way you do in my case I take prescriotion medicaations for depression. I have no choice on that. I am also a little over weight and I do not feel sexy like I used to its how we feel about ourselves and the fact that we dont like what we look like. Our clothes dont fit we have to buy bigger sizes. But we have to learn how to love ourselfs and be content with the way we look but try to do the best with how we look. And when we get sick of it like I am now Im starting a new weight loss program called Transition Weight Loss Management System. Its 12 weeks I do not want to keep buying bigger jean.
Answered 8 months ago | Report abuse
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edenlane

your story sounds familiar. except I'm 39, I was feeling the same way until I started taking care of myself I went to the Dr's, had my hormones checked, started taking vitamins and walking, went to see a regular therapist and I did this for ME, not my husband. The sex drive is coming back and so is my ambition for lots of things. and from what you've said, it sounds like your husband is verbally and emotionally abusive, Your not broken!! (there is a reason your pulling away from him, most women do when they feel threatened) but first start with YOU, put your needs and health first, then work on your relationship, best wishes
Answered 3 months ago | Report abuse
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agriculi

As you have put on weight and have an adversity towards your own body, this diminishes your libido. http://healthmad.com/mental-health/lack-of-libido-wh... anti-depressants/
This article gives you tips what you can do about your situation. Also when you are not on medication.
Answered 3 months ago | Report abuse
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slings...

Sorry to hear. It sounds like you both need to go to counselling, so you both express your feelings and desires.This might help your husband understand and empathy with you better. About the weight, that's a side issue, that's something you can work on, but it is true, men find weight less attractive, but as I said, you can work on it.About sex, if you find sex boring, then you should mention this to your counselor as well.It sounds that this part of your marriage is creating friction and problems and your husband sounds like he's having the same problem too, as he sounds sexually frustated. I believe like some people have said here, seek counselling because there are a few issues involved.You could also seek advice from close friends or family you could trust. Hope it works out for you.

http://slingshot3.livejournal.com/
Answered 2 months ago | Report abuse
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