My Healing Began When I Accepted My Pain
Many people often wonder how I manage to maintain such a positive outlook despite living with a chronic disease that lacks a cure. It hasn't always been this way for me. There was a time when I allowed myself to be consumed by my pain, trapping myself in a dark and isolated inner world.
Even with the support of my friends and family, the pain was a personal and private experience. Negative thoughts of victimhood consumed me on a daily basis, and I despised the state my body had deteriorated into — fragile and broken. The main question plaguing my mind was, Why is this disease happening to me? It seemed unjust, as I was simply going about my life with my young family when the physical agony first presented itself.
Initially, the pain was subtle, but it soon became more persistent, completely upending my world. I couldn't comprehend why I deserved to suffer from such debilitating pain. I constantly questioned myself, refusing to believe that the pain was all in my head. The intensity of the pain in my hip was undeniable. What made matters worse was the toll it took on my relationship with my children when I was in such agony.
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My children mean the world to me, and I would go to great lengths to protect them. In the pain-free days, we shared countless precious memories as a family. One of my fondest recollections is playing water football at our cottage, with the boys competing against the girls. We would laugh under the warm sunshine and splash around in the refreshing lake water.
However, as time went by, I found myself unable to participate in those joyous activities any longer. Accepting this reality mentally and emotionally was an immense struggle. My children were too young to grasp the extent of my pain, and it pained me not to be able to lift them up or give them the same warm hugs as before. Even the lightest touch caused excruciating pain. Giving birth to my two precious children was a walk in the park compared to the agony I endured in my hip.
Gradually, my mind deteriorated as negative thoughts consumed me, constantly comparing my old self to my current state. I became displeased with the person I had become. However, my perspective began to shift after my first hip surgery. Upon waking up from the procedure, I sensed a difference. The once omnipresent pain was gone! That moment will forever be etched in my memory as the first time in years that I experienced freedom from pain.
Pain has a way of turning you against yourself, causing you to question your very existence. It clouds your mind and traps you in the past, fixated solely on the pain. However, as the fog gradually lifted, I started viewing my past pain from a different angle. I began asking myself numerous questions. And I came to the conclusion that the agonizing pain happened for a reason. It may sound peculiar, but it was only when I accepted the pain and the lessons it had to offer that my healing journey truly began.
So, what did I learn from enduring the most excruciating pain of my life? It served as a jolting event that captured my attention, propelling me towards self-discovery and allowing me to uncover who I truly am. For many years, I believed that I was synonymous with my pain. It became my defining story. However, the pain ultimately revealed to me that I possessed inner strength beyond what I had ever given myself credit for. I became:
The most crucial lesson I can impart to anyone battling with pain is this: when you accept your life and body as they are in the present moment, only then can genuine healing work commence. And once it does, everything will start to change. The pain I endured was vital for my growth and transformation into a stronger version of myself.