I’m My Most Important Project
Get ready for a different kind of blog post. Instead of diving into complex medical terms and discussions about multiple sclerosis, I want to share my current mindset and where I stand in life. Think of it as a ride on the emotional train down memory lane. All aboard!
There comes a time when you have to prioritize yourself, and now was that time for me. To maintain my sanity, I had to let go of certain people, places, and circumstances that were long overdue. This was something I needed to do for my own well-being, and now I feel free.
Living with a disease like multiple sclerosis has forced me to put things into perspective. I don't know how much longer I'll have the ability to walk, talk, see, or think properly. It has shifted my timeline and reshuffled my priorities. It made me consider what I'm willing to tolerate from others and what I'm not. Some may call this a midlife crisis, but I see it as standing my ground. Others may consider it selfish, but I prefer to see it as self-care. These are powerful words that not everyone understands. Some would rather judge me and think I've lost my mind. But the truth is, those who benefitted from my self-neglect are the ones most uncomfortable with my new mindset.
Once, one of my doctors told me, You can't heal in the same place you got sick. Those words struck a chord deep within me and have been swirling around in my mind for years. I immediately understood the message, but the challenge was how to detach myself from what I've always known as My Life.
Having multiple sclerosis gave me the push I needed. I realized that without my health and peace of mind, I can't do anything. I won't be able to be a good mother, friend, or help anyone. How can I give something I don't possess?
I've come to understand that nobody is in my life to make me happy. Happiness is a choice I must make for myself and actively work towards. For me, this meant letting go of what no longer serves me, breaking destructive habits, and not allowing defeatist words to sabotage my plans.
Please don't think that I'm depressed. If I were, I would openly admit it. Or maybe I am depressed, and I just haven't fully acknowledged it. My psychologist says I have mild depression and anxiety, but it makes me wonder if she's being genuine or just doing her job. After all, this is a business. Am I in denial? I don't know, but what I do know is that I've become a wise woman. I take the rest of my life seriously and don't have time to waste on negative situations or behaviors. Time is precious when you have multiple sclerosis, and I must make the most of it.
Living with this disease has taught me to value life more than ever before. Maybe it's because I don't know what the future holds or I fear not being around for the ones I love. When faced with a sink-or-swim situation, and you choose to swim, you want to experience everything you've ever wanted to do as soon as possible. I told myself, Time is the one thing you can never get back. Make the most out of life while you still can. So, that's what I'm doing. I'm focusing on myself and nothing else.
I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my life and pondering the future. I've realized that I can no longer wait for people who lack a plan. Having multiple sclerosis means I need to have a plan, especially since I don't know how long or short my life will be. All I know is that I need to feel comfortable in my environment, pursue my passions, create memories with my children, and live life to the fullest.
I needed to turn the page and close a chapter. I'm more than ready to start a new one. I desired a change of scenery. And you may wonder, What does this have to do with multiple sclerosis? Well, it's closely tied to living with this disease.
My immune system is influenced by my mood and well-being. It responds differently based on my emotions and state of mind. To ignore these factors would be irresponsible. I believe in the power of energy and how it transforms rather than dies. Sometimes, we need to shake up the energy around us to make room for new opportunities. That's exactly what I needed – a big change. I manifested it and made it happen.
Don't get me wrong, it was definitely scary. I felt a mix of excitement and terror. Leaving everything behind and starting fresh in a new place was my choice. I need my own space to heal and rediscover myself. Being closer to nature, surrounded by new faces and flavors, will allow me to embrace the new me.
If you want to connect with others living with multiple sclerosis, join our MS Facebook Support Group.